memesheep

Apr. 20th, 2009 04:49 pm
wireandroses: (Default)
[personal profile] wireandroses
Dear [livejournal.com profile] meruti
Words cannot express how much I love you. So let me at least write you this: Ever since we met I feel like a hummingbird on crack. I think it was a mistake to set my hair on fire in public, but I simply didn't have the strength to bring down the government in such a short amount of time. Why, oh why does my cake always taste like plywood? But let's no longer dwell on the past! I know you are the best ninja this country has ever seen, so I'm sure you'll agree with me if I say that aliens should not be allowed to listen in on our thoughts at night. Long story short, I have this weird taste of blood in my mouth, so I've decided to surgically replace my right eye with a telescope. I don't expect you to understand, but I expect you to have dinner ready when I get back. Please don't tell them about my secret hideout.
Visit me soon,
- ubenet -


Dear last person who commented on my journal.
Words cannot express how much I ___1___. So let me at least write you this: Ever since we met I feel like ___2___. I think it was a mistake to ___3___, but I simply didn't have the strength to ___4___. Why, oh why ___5___? But let's no longer dwell on the past! I know you are ___6___, so I'm sure you'll agree with me if I say that ___7___. Long story short, I ___8___, so I've decided to ___9___. I don't expect you to understand, but I expect you to ___10___. Please ___11___.
___12___,
- your name -

- - - -

1. What day is it today?
Monday - love you
Tuesday - hate you
Wednesday - paid for my new TV
Thursday - wish you'd finally take a bath
Friday - dislike your new shirt
Saturday - drank last night
Sunday - miss your food

2. What's the current time?
01 am to 05 am - there's a giant party in my mouth and everyone's invited
05 am to 08 am - a bum who's just found a winning lottery ticket
08 am to 11 am - a sick cat
11 am to 12 am - stabbing my eyes out with a pen
12 am to 03 pm - I'm naked and tiny demons are poking me with sharp needles
03 pm to 05 pm - a hummingbird on crack
05 pm to 06 pm - the world's biggest idiot
06 pm to 08 pm - an alien on my own planet
08 pm to 11 pm - a traveler lost in space and time
11 pm to 01 am - a crackwhore

3. When did you get up today?
05 am to 06 am - sell you my soul for a muffin
06 am to 07 am - have a threesome with you and your psychiatrist
07 am to 08 am - move into your villa on Maui
08 am to 09 am - eat your dog for breakfast
09 am to 10 am - put experimental drugs into your coffee
10 am to 11 am - name our rock band 'The Golden Fairies'
11 am to 12 am - set my hair on fire in public
later - steal Pierce Brosnan's tricycle
earlier - ask your imaginary friend for money
I didn't go to sleep in the first place - cosplay Smurfette just to turn you on

4. What would you like to drink right now?
Water - wrestle five goats at the same time
Soda - walk like an Egyptian
Coffee - kick you in the stomach repeatedly for more than 30 minutes
Tea - crack out the duct tape and have my way with you
Hot chocolate - get help from a professional
Milk - bring down the government in such a short amount of time
Beer - kill so many people, even if it's for a shitload of money
Wine - call you 'Zork, the great destroyer of mankind' in public
Juice - build a oversized statue of your left knee
Other - raise your freaky children
I'm not thirsty - get a sex change

5. What's the colour of the object you're sitting on?
Brown - am I allergic to latex
Grey - are you resistant to mind control
Red - did I forget my wallet in your car
Blue - can't we have nice things
Yellow - did I agree to marry you
Green - does my cake always taste like plywood
Purple - couldn't I have met you sooner
Pink - do all the people I love end up dead
Orange - do all the people I touch turn into gold
Black - does every party we go to end in a giant orgy
White - did we join the Mafia
Other - do you look so damn good in a tutu
I'm not sitting on anything - are handcuffs so expensive

6. What month do we have right now?
January - actually a robot
February - working for the government
March - not really a member of the Beatles in disguise
April - the best ninja this country has ever seen
May - too drunk to actually understand what I'm saying
June - too pretty to go to jail
July - not as good in bed as your ad says
August - moderately combustible
September - probably in bed with somebody else as you read this
October - in desperate need of attention and/or medication
November - criminally insane and lonely
December - at least as mentally fucked up as I am

7. What's the most prominent colour you're wearing right now?
Red - we can't run from the cops forever
Green - peanut butter sandwich tastes better toasted
Blue - our relationship is a threat to the general public
Yellow - nobody should be forced to eat that much pizza
Orange - your new haircut sucks
Black - Alaska-Frankenstein is not a good name for our daughter
White - sex in a public library will improve our relationship
Purple - long-distance calls are simply too expensive for people like us
Grey - Jack Bauer should not be coming on to you like that
Brown - we are both better off alone
Pink - the last bottle of vodka was simply too much
Other - aliens should not be allowed to listen in on our thoughts at night
I'm not wearing anything - we need a new car

8. Who was the last person you talked to?
A friend - am too fat to wear flowery dresses
My best friend - feel that my h@XX0r sk!llz outrank yours by far
(One of) my parents - like to move it move it
My brother or sister - can't stop dreaming about you
My significant other - dislike the way your parrot looks at me
Somebody I know from school/university/work - am slowly losing my mind
A complete stranger - can't stand the pressure any longer
Myself - have this weird taste of blood in my mouth
My pet, actually - feel uncomfortable in karaoke bars
I never talk to anybody / I can't talk / other - am sick of your bullshit

9. What's the last website you checked other than this one?
A journal on LJ - surgically replace my right eye with a telescope
A community on LJ - join a religious cult group under the name 'Sister Sunlight'
A social network site - move to Alaska and become a ninja
My mail - grow a fancy moustache
A search engine - take up embroidery lessons again
An online shop - get a tattoo with your name across my chest
A site for videos, music or art - infiltrate the military
A news site - steal the Mona Lisa for you
A web comic - blow up your car and collect the insurance money
Porn - crash your brother's wedding
Other - hide a dead moose under your bed

10. What's the genre of the last movie you saw?
Romance - start wearing purple
Comedy - take good care of my potted plant Audrey Jr
Horror - become a better guitar player than you are now
Action/Adventure - kill the eyewitness
Suspense - build a giant church in my honour
Documentary - vote for my party, once it's been established
Drama - give me your soul
Historical - do what I would do if I wasn't delusional
Science Fiction - beat every Mario game in less than 30 minutes
Musical - have dinner ready when I get back
Other - die, Mr. Bond

11. What's the color of your underwear?
Red - don't take this letter too personal
Green - stop pretending that it's all the government's fault
Blue - at least admit that you were wrong about the doomsday device
Yellow - don't eat this letter like you did with the last one
Orange - don't expect me to visit you in jail again
Black - fix the coffee machine when I'm gone
White - keep your hands off my best friend
Purple - avenge my death
Grey - don't tell them about my secret hideout
Brown - spell check your reply before you send it
Pink - ask Cate Blanchett where she gets her nails done
Other - mind the gap
I'm not wearing any right now - don't let insanity get in the way of an otherwise perfect relationship

12. What day is it tomorrow?
Monday - Visit me soon
Tuesday - With kisses and eternal devotion
Wednesday - Go shove a cactus up your ass
Thursday - Please send more money
Friday - With half-hearted greetings and thinly veiled disgust
Saturday - See you (too) soon
Sunday - HIP HIP HUZZAH
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